Eating Disorder Talk

As I have already stated many times, I grew up as a ballerina. I grew up seeing photos of these professional ballerina with these very slim bodies. I never worried much because I had a naturally slim body. I did notice, however, that there were others who did have to worry. I ignored their stress and ate whatever I wanted.
In ballet, I developed a certain ideal for myself. The kind of body I wanted - I did not want boobs or a butt. I wanted to flat on both sides. I wanted to look like a wormy stick from the side. To me, I thought that looked more graceful.
Anyone in my class who did not have that kind of figure, I silently judged. It is terrible to admit, but I had these off kilter ideals about how the body should be for ballet. Not only did I accept it, I embraced it.
Sick. I couldn’t understand that bodies were built differently. I did not see how a body can be beautiful in all shapes and sizes. As time passed, the ideal figure was ingrained. I ended up growing into curves and I hated them. It was hard to accept the image that reflected in the mirror.
I wanted my body to be one way and it wasn’t. Because of this stigma, it has taken me years to accept my body and enjoy looking at myself in the mirror.