Recovery Journal: Entry 5
Last week, I talked about obsessing over a food I wouldn’t allow myself for the past decade, croissants. I’m happy to report that I’ve made it through a 4-pack of croissant in just as many days - sharing them with my toddler, but still, eating them and best of all, enjoying them. I’ve been careful to not focus too much on what I’m putting into my body - right now it’s more important that I take in food, than what I choose to take in - and because of this, I can bet that my caloric intake for the past few days has been around 2,400.
Blame it on the croissants, a gift basket my client gave me (oh truffles, you’re exquisite) and the cookies my daughter and I baked today with a friend.
I think that baking and holiday meals are going to be a caloric godsend, because it’s so easy to give in, I barely even fight myself about it, when it’s something I’ve prepared myself. And especially when I’m going to be sharing it with others, there’s a certain amount of taste-testing and recipe-revamping necessary. So, logically, I’m thinking I can bet on an easy five pound gain over the holidays.
The past few days, I also have an advantage - the bloating that comes with my period. I know that when I wake up in the morning with a gently-rounded tummy, it’s not obesity creeping up on me; I feel secure that I look and mentally am fine, just a little moodier than usual.
Another positive thing is my overall outlook. I’ve never been quite so okay with doing what I am - eating freely and regularly, intentionally - in the past 15 years, at least. This is astounding me, making me take pride in my actions and also, changing my thought from, "I can do this," to, "I am doing this." Big change from the past. Huge, really.
On January the first, I’ll be launching a new blog. A small part of it’s focus will include this recovery, but that will not be the main issue. If you’d like to take part by providing a quote for the sidebar (unrelated to eating disorders or me and including a link to your blog, if you’d like), please email me for further information.
December 6th, 2007 at 3:34 pm
Good for you! I just send you that e-mail. I’m excited about your new writing gig coming up in January. I can’t wait to read more about it!
December 7th, 2007 at 2:59 am
[...] is the opposite of yesterday. Yesterday, it was all about positivity and wonder at my new-found strive and pride in my recovery; today I feel down about what I am [...]