Recovery Journal: Entry 3
In Recovery Journal: Entry 2, I broke down a 1,900 calorie intake day and talked about being paranoid that my jeans won’t fit me in 10 days. Today, I’m not even going to go into what I’ve eaten today or yesterday. Let’s just say it’s very safe to assume that I came up short, though yesterday I did eat a very fat-laden dinner of butter chicken (made in my crock pot and ever so yummy). It’s not all bad, since today I actually ate half of a croissant - something I’ve not tasted since I was about 15. My god, they’re heavenly.
I don’t know what to say besides that this is a constant fight I’m having with myself. I can only seem to convince myself that it’s okay to eat when I’m around my daughter and she’s eating. It’s like, a family event. Other than that, there’s been some evening snacking, but it’s minimal and nowhere near the midnight munchies that I know a lot of people give into. I accidentally weighed myself today and it seems that my 2.5 pound gain has been reduced to only one. My stomach was uber flat again this morning and has remained so all day. It’s not bloated like it’s been the past week or so and it was so freaking hard to talk myself out of an internal happy dance. Because I know the only reason it’s back to concave between my hipbones is that I wasn’t filling in that space with food.
I also find myself questioning my body in the sense that other women, even women who have had kids, manage to have flat stomachs without the need for starvation or their hip bones protruding. So if I am capable of this, why have I never seen evidence of it; if I’m not, then why was I screwed with this waif-frame and ability to look round, at the same time? Seems like opposing forces to me.
Or at least like God, if there is one, is a bit of a jerk.
December 1st, 2007 at 2:44 am
[...] Journal: Entry 4 by Terra Atrill Obsession. That is the word of the day. I wrote yesterday about having that half of a croissant - something forbidden for over a decade. And I’ve [...]