Eating Disorder Talk

Yesterday was a negative one. Today, though I should be feeling very negative with daily life’s products and a medical issue that is blowing out of proportion, I am feeling alright, I suppose. I think it’s got a lot to do with my friends and their support. Two people told me today that they’re proud of me and well, I haven’t even succeeded. What will that say about when/if I do? A party, obviously.

So, I’ll be posting a weekly progress update on my stats. Daily, I’ll give some sort of indication of the food I’m managing to eat, though prepare to be unimpressed with my choices; I’ll also just let you all know my random thoughts and feelings of the day.

Onward.

Calorie intake and Expenditure:

Today I’ve eaten half a slice of banana bread, half of a gigantic oatmeal raisin cookie, about four ounces of meatloaf, a half cup of mixed vegetables, about 20 multigrain Ritz stix, one Smirnoff Ice Ultra, one double tall non-fat white mocha and a regular non-fat white mocha, in addition to my normal two cups of instant swiss mocha coffee at home. The damage? Somewhere around 1,900. That is working hard to throw calories in, though almost 1,000 of them came from drinks of some sort.

As far as exercise, today was a normal as it gets. My daughter and I walked a few blocks to her playtime class, I sat on the sidelines and talked mommy crap whilst drinking my coffee. Then we walked a few more blocks to the doctor’s office and then home for her lunch and nap. Later, we met a friend to walk a few blocks in a little block-sized park area and then a few more blocks were walked to, inside and home from the grocery store. Not a lot of activity, though I am pushing a 25 pound child in a stroller during those walks!

How I am Feeling:

Like it’s kind of okay. That freaking out about less than three pounds yesterday was ridiculous. But also that I will be between jeans’ sizes at my birthday party and maybe I should just postpone this until after then. Wait, no. I don’t want to do that. Now! is the time to strike!

Mostly, I’m feeling a little tired and overwhelmed at thought of whether future me will have the ability to deal with this.