Eating Disorder Talk

An article from The Independent, Fashion for size zero fuels rise in eating disorders among models, caused me to swear aloud last night. I mean, is this a surprise? Is it even news? Why is valuable press time being wasted on it when everyone could see that coming?!

The premise is that the drive for size 0 in the fashion world is making more models turn to eating disorders. Experts provided results of a study ultimately commissioned by the British Fashion Council, warning that there is truly little way to measure the prevalence of eating disorders amongst models because though anorexia is most prominent, there is a huge population with hidden disorders such as bulimia. One such expert estimates that nearly 40% of models are engaged in disordered eating habits.

This study came in part as a result of Madrid’s Fashion Week banning models with a BMI lower than 18 from working during the highly publicized event. The ban brought outrage from fashion pros, models and some media; women elsewhere rejoiced, especially given the then recent anorexia-related deaths of Eliana & Luisel Ramos.

In a proactive approach to both end confusion over dress sizes and avoid the “Size Zero” movement, the European Union is planning a continent-wide change in dress sizing - from a number such as 0-16 (which could really mean anything) to bust, waist and hip measurements. This, in my opinion, will clear up a bit of confusion since we’ve all gone into five different stores, only to be 3 different sizes - but I don’t see how this will have a major overall effect on the underlying competition women feel to wear a lower size than their peers. It’s really just changing the type of number, not the meaning of it.

Would you feel more confident wearing a 42″ hips pair of trousers, versus a size 14? Especially when your best friend wore a 36″ hip?

Last week, I started writing about my own story. I talked of my thirst for knowledge about eating disorders and ultimately, my quest for love. Here begins the next part…

So picture a seven-year old. A little chubby, pretty introverted, very sensitive and eager to please. This same girl will smile and act how you want her to while simultaneously planning her own descent.

I started restricting slowly. Eating half of the lunches that my father packed for me - I really didn’t enjoy bologna sandwiches that much anyways, and the pudding that was a treat just made it more evident the lack of wealth in our household.

While other kids were trading wagon wheels and cookies, I was left with a can of generic brand chocolate pudding - the kind that had the ring to pull the top off, but that only the ring pulls off instead. I rarely got the damn stuff open all of the way. I would also have a bright yellow thermos of milk. By lunchtime, it would be warm and if I didn’t finish it when I’d gone home for the day, I’d get to have it with dinner, as well.

I found out quickly that throwing out my lunches was monitored by the cafeteria and playground attendants. The threat of calling my dad to report me seemed serious since I’d been raised that we couldn’t afford much and his heavy hand might teach me the error of wasting food. So I learned that the bathrooms would be my new favourite place.

I flushed my sandwiches in a mixture of warm homo milk and toilet water, hoping the toilet wouldn’t overflow and draw attention to my lunchtime rebellion. I purposely pulled the tabs off of the pudding cans, then claimed that I couldn’t open them and therefore they were permissible to toss.

Within a year, I was becoming “harder to wake up in the morning,” leaving little, if any, time to eat my breakfast of (also) generic Cheerios, drowning in (also homo) milk. Flash forward another year and I’d gone through a growth spurt, was nearing my tween height, and was eating only dinner and cornflakes. Cornflakes because Special K was a great diet cereal but we couldn’t afford much more than (again) no-name brand cornflakes.

By the time I was in seventh grade, I was five feet tall and about 80 pounds. I soon hit my lowest weight, 69 pounds.
Flash forward through two years of treatment and “recovery,” which I will not expand upon, and I’m my adult height (5′6″, though I would grown another half inch in my twenty-second year) and a “recovered” 95 pounds. Then I took the big plunge into modeling.

This is by far, one of the stupidest decisions I’ve ever made. Next week, I’ll explain why.

Diet Blog made me stop and say what? the other day. See, this Brazilian food manufacturer is marketing it’s new product - a no-fat, light yogurt. Seems pretty clear cut. We’re all used to the ads with women roller-blading through a greenery-laden pathway, obviously working their little butts and then rewarding themselves afterwards with a satisfying serving of insert-brand-of-yogurt-here.

The problem with these ads is their portrayal of famous Hollywood images. Not that the images themselves are offensive. The images’ taglines translates to “Forget about it. Men’s preference will never change. Fit Light Yogurt.”

This is abhorrent for so many reasons. It’s intimated that these large women shown are a) trying to land a man by posing as they have; b) don’t have a chance because men have one preference, apparently; and c) goes on the assumption that women, even when they are looking sexy for another person, are looking for men, exclusively.

Being a person with substantial body-image problems who, in general, bats for the hetero team, I can honestly say that I have never considered how my yogurt purchase may affect men. Never.

Last week, I reviewed the top five anorexia sites, as listed by Alexa.

This week, as promised, is my take on the top sites devoted to binge eating disorder (BED).

1. Teen’s Health - Well, the site is targeted towards teens, making it a very easy read. Some of the information is contradictory: people engaged in a binge often eat past feeling full vs. theories about the hypothalamus’ failure to provide a message of fullness. There is some information as to the types of help needed in the case of BED, such as nutritionists to provide a realistic eating plan. The page also has tabs to the right wherein readers can look to other related articles and resources. But overall, this is very introductory - though quite well put together, when considered for teens’ reading.

2. Weight-control Information Network - Provides answers to the questions of risk, prevalence, symptoms, complications, types of therapy relevant to BED. Vague answers about causes and weight loss attempts are also tackled. The bottom of the single page provides a general message titled “you are not alone” and contact information for National Eating Disorder Association and Academy for Eating Disorders. Very safe website: provides medically based facts and doesn’t waste very much time theorizing on anything unproven. One good thing is that there’s a chart which profiles 10 programs in the United States - including the program type, treatment used and age of patients taken. Three additional reading resources are also provided: the oldest was published in 1959; the newest, 2003.

3. athealth.com - My favourite, so far, the main page is a Q and A with the director and a psychologist of the Acoria Eating Disorders Treatment Center in Cincinnati. The interview is very candid, allowing for theorizing and bluntness. This was refreshing, considering how much BED resources are timid and people-pleasing. The sidebar provides newsletters, a lookup for practitioners and treatment centres, self-help and book store sections, a resource centre and featured articles. Very reader-friendly, while being overtly honest. Just my kind of place.

4. a weight out - Since the focus of most of the entire site is overeating, both compulsive and emotional, it’s hard to look at this page as anything directly related to an eating disorder resource. There is a short write about about “when it’s a binge eating disorder” and links on the side bar to symptoms and signs, dieting, child obesity and confessions. Also sidebarred is a link called “Beyond Fen-Phen,” which was the article published in January 1998 by a Cincinnati reporter who had struggled with emotional eating and diet pills. A little old, don’t you think? This site made BED seem as though it was a reason to diet, not a severe eating disorder.

5. Healthy Place - A community devoted to eating disorders. The link above will take you to a transcripted interview between a moderator, audience and author/recovered binge eater, Jane Latimer. I recommend it because it was inspiring and informative. There are, however, very few external links, excepting Latimer’s site and Overeaters Anonymous. All sidebarred items are the usual, but again only internal “Healthy Place” links. I find it semi-disturbing that they’ve cornered the information market, apparently.

Overall, very disappointing but predictable. Overeating and BED have long been stereotyped against. Few people seem to consider binge eating as serious as the other big two disorders. Alarming. Too many people tie it in with being overweight or obese, not as a serious mental condition. Odd, when you consider how many complications and life-long health issues that can be incurred from life with BED.

Is it just another indication of our society’s obsession with thin? To the outside world, anorexia is obviously about being as thin as possible; bulimia is about halting weigh gain due to gorging, via purging in some form. These two are specific methods of getting or staying thin, whereas BED is (again, to the uninvolved eye) about gaining weight from a lack of self-control. Approximately 1 in 142 people suffer from BED, 1 in 1000 from anorexia and 1 in 181 of bulimia (stats according to wrong diagnosis)- yet we are obsessed with the lower “ranking” diseases.

Why do you think that is?

Next week, I’ll review the top five sites related to Bulimia. That should be quite different than this week’s!

BED, overeating, compulsive eating, obesity

Keira Knightly won nearly $6,000 in a lawsuit against The Daily Mail. The suit was to defend against the notion that Knightley, assumed anorexic, was the reason a 19 year old, who Knightly was not friends with, died of anorexia.

The paper ran a picture of a bikini-clad Knightley in January with an editorial statement that expressed a parent’s heartache, and blame towards the media - something that not only would have given themselves negative publicity (should there really be publishing warnings?), but ultimately cost them something like two employees’ monthly salaries.

If pictures like this one of Keira carried a health warning, my darling daughter might have lived.

She has long argued rumours of a possible eating disorder - she blames being naturally thin and states that she is aware of the seriousness of anorexia, since she had an aunt who’d suffered from the disease. This is supposed to be reasonable proof that she doesn’t have one?

Judge for yourself and let me know what you think - is Keira Knightley sick or in need of a slap?

She is rumoured to be considering donating the court’s award to the UK’s Beat - an ED charity.

BEAT, keira knightley, the daily mail

Popular blogger Lauren lives in Toronto and is often better known as Raymi the Minx. Since 2000, she’s been blogging several times a day with a raw and sarcastic wit that is hard to find in twenty-somethings. She also contributes articles on Rocketpack. In 2005, Raymi self-published Marketable Depression, chronicling her treatment and misadventures through bipolar disorder – a book widely reviewed (even I did!) in the blogsphere.

On her site, she often posts photos of “forbidden” food and talks of weight loss strategies. She is open about days when she feels depressed, angry and fat, to the point of brutal honesty sometimes – a fresh take from the piteous posts that you find on so many blogs that talk of depression. Here is Lauren’s response to Eating Disorder Talk’s questions:

Q. Why did you start blogging and why continue it?
A. Cos [sic] I loved writing and I loved attention. And I still do.

Q. Are you currently on a diet?
A. My own fucked up one, yes.

Q. To be as close to perfect as you think is attainable, how much weight would you need to lose? (how much have you lost already?)
A. I’ve lost twenty pounds, I think I need fifteen more off, then I’m good. But then a monkey in my brain will push it for five more; the skinnier you get, the crazier you are – so you have to be careful.

Q. Feel brave enough to give out your stats?
A. 5’8 and I am not revealing my weight until I am at my “target” so everyone’s mind will be blown. People think I am less than I am cos [sic] they forget to consider my height.

Q. Do you ever worry about being a trigger for girls who read your blog – your confidence, food descriptions and talk of losing weight?
A. I’ve received emails from nine year olds saying they want to be me and I kinda laugh it off to be in denial about how crazy that is. When the 13 yr olds write me, I post it and say this is scary. I have in the past written a post saying I don’t want your daughters to be like me, in terms of drinking or whatever. And to late 20-30 yr olds, like, “Haha look how fucking desperate and crazy I am?” They can get their warped body images from Shape and Maxim magazine anyway.

Q. Why do you put so many (often very rich) food pictures on your blog while also writing about dieting?
A. The rich foods that are taken at restaurants are usually what Fil orders and it’s to assuage my desire and yearning to eat it, it’s also blog content to drive people bananas. When I have a craving for hamburgers I search out 30 pictures on Google of the greasiest, cheesiest ones I can find cos [sic] I know I won’t go out and get one.

Q. What’s the difference between an extreme diet and an eating disorder?
A. Eating disorder is Tracey Gold from Growing Pains making the show end cos [sic] she was skeletor, and then she did that made for tv movie about a girl with anorexia. Extreme diet is people in Hollywood jogging in the heat? Or people who talk about their diets all the time.

Q. Do you now have, or have you ever had an eating disorder?
A. Well I guess so, I’m binge-eating I think, starve myself, then eat once a day and I constantly think about my body. At nite [sic] I think about being skinnier and posing in outfits; fuck world peace, I need to look like Kate Moss.

Q. What disorders (psychological) have you been diagnosed with?
A. Bipolar mood disorder, depression.

Q. How do you really feel about the usual spots that women hate on themselves?
A. I hate my upper arms the most and all my fat resides in my middle area. Women either have their fat sit above or below waist. Below, have cankles and big asses; like me, have skinnier legs but bigger middles. I think I’d be pretty depressed if I had cankles. I know I would be.

Q. Have you ever consciously wanted an eating disorder?
A. No, I think people who have severe ones are mentally ill. I have other shit in my life to focus on other than DYING or being sent away to one of those anorexic safe homes.

Q. Have you closely known anyone who has had one?
A. My friend. She barf[s] up her food but I have never seen her, so it’s like it doesn’t happen. Unfortunately, these days it’s kinda [sic] like, “whatevs [sic]. No one cares because skinny is SO in, like never before, so it’s almost encouraged?”

Q. If you knew someone close to you was in crisis with their eating disorder, what would you do?
A. Tell them if they don’t get help I am telling their mom and talk shit about them on my blog, and grab their wrists firmly and give their head a shake. I can be pretty aggressive. Oh, drunk crying works too: say a bunch of manipulative, sappy shit, then Fil steps in and gives his intelligent, makes sense Fil speech and off they go to help.

Q. If you could go on a strict vegan diet and drop weight faster than you could put it back on, would you?
A. Based on principal, no. Aside from that, I do not have the willpower, nor desire. I enjoy life too much. I mean, I like to enjoy my life while I’m living it, not suffer, eating twigs and leaves.

Q. Name five celebrities you suspect.
A. That one Olsen twin, Angelina Jolie, Posh Spice, Nicole Richie, Hilary Duff.

Q. How long did it take you to write the “How I lost 20lbs” post?
A. I don’t keep track of time when I blog, I am like, in the zone. I think altogether an hour when you factor in editing and fine-tuning but I write pretty manically off the top of my head so…

From the late 1800s to 1990, the definition of the ideal female form has changed drastically. Using this article, I’ve summed up the various epitomes:

From the late 1800s through the 1920s, corsets provided extreme hourglass shaping. Some women had ribs removed to further enhance the effect of their small waist in relation to bulging bust and hips. The perfect woman was frail, pale-skinned and came with a large bustle. By the end of the 1920s a movement had begun - women appeared free and sexy. Women wore bobbed haircuts, bound their breasts and burned their corsets!

During the 1940s, due to World War II, women took up working in factories, stereotypically becoming “tougher” and strong. In the 50s, the babyboomer age, women’s forms became more ample since there was a large focus on fertility and nurturing. The 60s and 70s would bring about a bigger change - the stick-thin model, Twiggy, who quickly became a mass celebrity - famous for being extremely thin and boyish.

Then the 80s came. Much as in today’s society, the ideal changed frequently and unpredictably from one extreme to the other. A general focus on more healthy, athletic and “fit” ideals preoccupied most of the decade, with thin and boyish models remaining popular and voluptuous sexpots garnering attention (occasionally only to be catered to via pornography). Large breasts when accompanied by a toned, slim body, in particular, were coveted by women and men, alike.

In my own opinion, the past 25 years of the female form have been drastically oppositional. One moment, we’re aching for androgyny, the next, the hourglass figure. Sometimes, we idealize both.

Today, one of my mommy-friends said that I have a body that 95% of women would kill for. While I’m aware that she hasn’t taken an official poll by any means, I wonder: if I have a near-perfect body, what kind of perfect is it in the vicinity of and why do I keep wanting to change it because it’s too far from perfect, to me?

What’s your version of a flawless female form?

scarlett johansson, keira knightley, perfect body, corsets, Twiggy

If you’d like your story written about on Eating Disorder Talk, please email me, including information such as whether you’d prefer to remain anonymous to our readers. Please ensure that you’ve included a valid email address where I can respond to you, as well as your own web site, if applicable. Pictures are also welcome!

If you’re interested in participating in a survey on eating disorders - causes, media involvement and relationships, please email me to let me know an appropriate way to contact you.

Thin by Lauren Greenfield was the first book about eating disorders that I picked up in a long time. Truth be told, after my last commitment to “get better,” I left thirty-odd books at my father’s house, away from my prying hands and roving eyes. I was at Chapters when I saw the cover (marked with a 30% off sticker), buying things that struck my fancy in a manic hardcover jaunt. I realized that it was majorly a photographic book and the side of me that denies sought to buy it in the hopes of having something “taboo and artistic” in my house. I suppose I might have put it next to Generation S.L.U.T.

Honestly, I flipped through it’s pages, trying to be nonchalant. My boyfriend glanced at a few pages with me and gasped at the awkwardly thin senior, he piqued my competitive side when noticing one girl who was much thinner than he’d ever known me to be, and he made me proud when he asked why one girl was even in the book - I had been much thinner than her.

My friend saw it on my coffee table and mentioned seeing the documentary on Showcase. How intense and at some points disgusting and others scintillating it was. She said that from what she had seen, the patient on the cover had been very thin and unhealthy and nowhere near my size (then 5′6″ and about 105lbs.) - she was that thin. Now, this is one of my best friends, so I know that she did not intentionally mean to send me a message like that - but our continuing debate about it, where I may have even lied about the girl’s stats in order to deflate my own, lead me to a discovery.

It was beginning again and the book was a trigger for me. I returned it within the week.

There is an intro to the documentary, that I found on YouTube. You’re not me, so if you’re interested in picking it up, it’s available on many bookseller’s sites, such as Amazon.

youtube, thin, hbo, showcase, lauren greenfield, Renfrew Center, eating disorders, trigger, Generation S.L.U.T., relapse

Each week, I’ll provide my take on the top five websites, as rated by Alexa. No, I’m not playing favourites, we’re starting with Anorexia because it’s first in the alphabet; next Tuesday, I’ll cover the top five sites relating to Binge Eating Disorder.

1. Anorexic Web: This site is owned by a wiccan who suffered from an eating disorder for seven years. Very graphically based, it’s apparently been operating since 1999. It’s simplistic, artistic and leaden with poetry. Regardless, it is full of positive messages (both wiccan and not), pictures, warnings and disclaimers. A little too blessed (be) for my taste.

2. Mental Health: Contains description links such as to facetheissue’s movie, American and European diagnostics, the US Surgeon General’s report, and eMedicine. Also includes diagnosis, treatment, research and literature. Very bare-bones and does not seem to have been updated for some time.

3. Family Doctor: Vague, stereotypical and oversimplified - this site reminds me of something I might have read at the early stages of the disease, before I realized how all-consuming and complex eating disorders really are.

4. Revolution Health: Another (at first glance) introductory lesson on what anorexia is and it’s treatment. Upon further perusal, this site is very easy to navigate, leads to a lot of clicking on individual links and contains resources for treatment and coping.

5. Ana Death: First impression: a site written for those seeking recovery, by someone recently recovered. You can read her story, which reads more like a journal entry than a timeline. But other than that, I ran out of patience when trying to navigate away from the homepage. Why? Most of the links no longer exist. Does this mean that recovery is over? I’ll never know, it seems.

Eating Disorder Talk is my foray into communicating both the marketing and scenarios of eating disorders; it’s also the opportunity to share my own story in the hopes that someone out there thinks, “I’m not alone.” So in that effort, here begins the first part of my epic - how I came to have 20 years of experience coping with, fighting against and living for eating disorders.

I was raised as an only child in a single parent family. What’s a little different about this is that during the early 80s it was virtually unheard of in Greater Vancouver for a father to be the single parent. My dad was a multitude of things, the foremost being a disciplinarian. He learned a lot of life lessons at early ages and was constantly caught between wanting to stop me from making his mistakes and letting me learn from my own. He was my first best friend, exalted and feared. If he had been a different person, I surely would have been as well, but thankfully, I am not ashamed of the person I have become, in spite of and in owing to him.

In my early primary years, I went for a general check-up at my family doctor. The afterword my dad and doctor shared was behind closed doors, but for some reason, I heard the one sentence that would become my defining mantra for the next two decades, “she’s a little overweight.” I had already gained the awareness of how cruel children on the playground can be - had been called such pet names as butterball and fatso - so this was not news to me, it was proof.

So began the then-subtle relationship with food and my own image in the mirror. I began systematically borrowing books and magazines from the library in relation to dieting and eating disorders. Until I had read everything that they had to offer. I ravaged these articles and texts - pouring through multiple authors in a day. I took notes and tips down in my many journals and notebooks.

I was a bipolar writer even at that point. I started numerous times, writing my own novels - I would be a published writer by ten, I assumed - and all of these beginnings had the common theme of a tween going through the motions of anorexia. There were likely about four or five attempts, where I’d hunch over a notebook for hours, pouring out 40 or more hand printed pages. I’d only re-read them after the well had gone dry or some other interruption had come up, then I’d decide that it was all wrong and never touch it again. It wasn’t good enough, so I had to give up trying.

I became a made-for-tv movie junkie and it wasn’t until the sixth one that my father noticed the trend they shared - teenager goes on diet and becomes obsessed, is diagnosed, her caring family rallies to her rescue and then the final moments of the film show her life back on track, at a respectable weight and doing normal teenager things. In hindsight, these movies gave me a goal: to get to the point where my family would save me after I had become impossibly ill. Then I could lead a normal life populated with loving parents, friends and social activities, in a body still thin enough for tv. Reality would set in later.

It began with research and I’m still researching.

Today, during my daughter’s (too short) nap - the time I usually use to clean my house, relax, write, read, shower - I got a phone call, interrupting my super-speedy dish washing from the Toronto-based National Eating Disorder Information Centre (NEDIC). A very soft spoken, polite woman confirmed my identity and let me know that the director of the centre had seen this site and they could not support it because it was a bad influence.

When asked for clarification, she went over his highlighted notes (she was very open) and agreed with me that some of the pictures I’ve posted have been triggering. But the main problem was that in my post a few days ago about diabulimia, I had said

my favourite effect of diabulimia
…
shakiness and dysphoria.

Apparently, a lot of the people they help are “easily influenced” and my obvious sarcasm could be misconstrued. As saying hypoglycemia is awesome. That shakiness verging on passing out? The best fun you could ever have. Better than sex and new socks and guilt-free chocolate and R & R and sleeping in and designer clothing on sale. Combined. (I may be exaggerating, a tiny bit.)

Okay, I get that this is a site that does not parallel, directly, their opinion that anyone not in recovery who has an eating disorder should be. I can sympathize, even, with the thought that I am someone pushing people further from treatment - those easily influenced people, that is. What I cannot handle is the thought that this (what I can only imagine) fair-skinned, fine blonde haired, 5′1″, 100 pounds, 22 year old, fresh out of college girl thinks that I want that responsibility of triggering someone…

I have a hard enough time eating in front of my 11-month old daughter - something I make an effort to do at every meal and snack time, so that it’s not obvious that mummy is struggling and losing this relapsing battle, again - and she’s doesn’t even know what’s really going on, yet. I could cheat and she wouldn’t even notice or care. It means the world to me that she doesn’t see me fighting to take in a couple hundred calories, but she likely will. So sorry if this is a little impersonal - but why the hell would I want to put that effort up for the internet?

rants, NEDIC, triggers, recovery

Pro Ana and Mia (anorexic and bulimic) websites have been around for quite a while. In fact, I’ve met some of my closest friends on one site that I used to frequent, which has since been shut down. The question I’m putting out there today is if these websites are as detrimental as they are being portrayed to be.

Yes, these are places where people with active eating disorders can congregate. Tips are often shared, though sometimes only via personal messaging or email, so as not to influence others. “Thinspiration” pictures and stories, triggers for many, are posted to peruse and comment upon. Competitions, though informal and usually unsupported by the site’s owners, are announced amoungst members. Members often post their “stats” - measurements; current, high and goal weights - and a quote along the lines of “hunger hurts but starving works” as their signature, providing others with fodder for their own internal demons. Pro-ED sites are not positive in any of these aspects…

But if you’ve ever been a member of or happened upon one of these sites and taken longer than two minutes to form an opinion, you can observe an amazing vessel of support. Not just for the eating disorders themselves, but for people active in their illness, depressed, suicidal and even seeking treatment. In my opinion, this is not a negative thing. This is extremely positive in a society wherein it’s thought that eating disorders are any and all of the following: selfish, immature, attention-seeking behaviour, something spoiled little girls do and a symptom of extreme mental disfunction.

I would prefer to have a million people screaming their weights rally around me in a time of need, than to have one person telling me I’m not fat and need to accept it as my mantra. Sometimes, that’s what these sites are designed and joined for - to see that we’re not alone and others care and understand that it’s not just as easy as getting over it.

Unfortunately, most documentation arguing against the sites give mention of studies showing a relationship between sickness duration and the use of the sites, “promoting” eating disorders and glorifying them as a lifestyle choice. Some of the best support sites I’ve come across open with the disclaimer such as the following one, from Pro-Ana Nation:

Anorexia is not only about food. It becomes a mechanism to cope with serious, emotional problems. My wounds will never heal. I have not been able to recover. Anorexia kills, but as controversial as it may be, it keeps me alive.

Eating disorders will not make you feel thin, proud and beautiful. Every day is a constant struggle of self-hatred and obsessing about food, calories, fat grams and weight. Do not contact me if you want to ‘learn’ how to develop anorexia and bulimia, or because you want to know how to hide your disorder from friends, family and doctors.

I sometimes refer to anorexia and bulimia as “ana” and “mia.” That does not mean I try to trivialise serious, mental disorders. They are not friendly little pet names, but diseases.

Recovery is not a choice, because eating disorders are self-destructive. It is a healing process you have to go through in an attempt to rid yourself from anorexia and bulimia. This site is intended for disordered minds that have not been able to recover.

Now, personally, I don’t see a community selling eating disorders as a wonderful way of life or magical diet. I see someone opening up their minds so that others in a similar place can feel less trapped within their own mental confines. So what’s so bad about that?

I was tagged by Bryan, so here’s where I start to open up…and since this is Eating Disorder Talk, I’ll let you know seven odd things about me, in appropriate reference.

Binge Eating Disorder (BED) affects about 4 million people in the United States; men account for 1.6 million of sufferers according to reports of the McLean Hospital-conducted first national study of eating disorders. Characteristics of the disease include:

The disease can lead to obesity, type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure and cholesterol, multiple organ failures and/or diseases, further mental anguish in the form of depression or suicide and female reproductive complications. People suffering are urged to seek help as soon as possible as they may be in need of intensive therapy prior to losing any weight they may have picked up during binging periods.

One person who’s come forward in an effort to engage and educate is former model Ron Saxen. He’s recently released a book, The Good Eater, about his voyage from modelling to a 70 pound, six month weight gain. And back.

Saxen was recently interviewed by Joseph Planta, and - not to be feminist - he’s got perspective that I’ve rarely heard from a man regarding eating disorders. Chapter one of the book opens with his initial appointment and subsequent signing with his first modelling agency. You can find an excerp here. It strikes me as…odd, honestly, to read a man’s thoughts that have exactly matched mine in reference to whether he is too fat to be spoken to. And to see the mental tally of over-done and under nourished exercise.

I’ve never much used binging in my own history. It seemed too risky, when my goal was to become invisible. I suppose, mentally, suffering with BED would be just as effective at erasing yourself, as losing as much weight as is possible.