How to Not Lose Your Mind in Recovery: Entry 2
This week brings us up to day 12 of me attempting to recover from anorexia. I’m doing this without therapy, guides or really, anything other than the support of friends and readers and my (often receding) willpower. Last week, I talked about how I’d gained a total of 2.5 pounds and 3/4 of an inch on my waist and this week I’ve slid back. Such is the case with unmonitored, non-structured recovery and I’m not going to beat myself up for it. I’ll take it like AA suggests, "one day at a time."
Overall Gains:
Weight: 0.5 pounds
Waist: 1/4 inch
BMI: 0.1
Progress:
I’ve managed to maintain a lowered coffee intake, from about eight cups to maybe four a day. I’ve also been eating at least one full meal and a couple of small snacks during the day, minimum. Obviously, it’s still not as much as I should be getting, but it is a step in the right direction. I’m also feeling semi-celebratory, since the first of the month marked my fourth month without incident of depression. Sure, you can look at a relapse in eating disorder as depression, but when you’re cyclothymic, no depression means you do a happy dance.
Thoughts:
I can only do the best I can. If I go into this with a defeatist mindset, or feel like a failure from the get-go, well, it will be quite hard to maintain my motivation. Last night, while reading in bed I had the thought, "this time next year, I won’t be thinking about how I should be proud of myself for eating before bed because I was hungry. I’ll just do it because I won’t have any reason not to."
That meant a lot, having that thought, because it didn’t involve an ‘if’ or disclaimer of any sort.
Also, I bought a four-pack of croissants yesterday and shared some of one with my daughter. Meaning, I ate one and she had a few bites. So, yes, I’ll keep patting myself on the back, now.
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