F(*^^$%U^
I had a binge last Tuesday. I have not been doing emotionally well. I did get my period and I do know that makes things harder with my sugar cravings. G-d was definitely trying to make things harder for me when I was about to jump in the food. The line was long and it was late at night. I should have taken that as a sign not to binge. Everything in my body was saying NO! I should have taken that as a sign to binge. I knew I was going to be very emotional and a wreck - that didn’t stop me either. I jumped into the food. It was embarassing. While I am binging, I feel very ashamed and embarrassed when other people see me eating. I feel very naked and small. After the binge, despite my exhaustion from theweek, I stayed up late. I was pacing and on the phone with a dear and patient friend. I was so mad at myself. I was so upset with the binge. My acid reflux was going insane and I could totally taste the acid. It was an instant almost allergic reaction to everything I had just eaten. I thought of different ways to stop this but felt very helpless. The next thing I am going to try is to put into play the power of yes. I can eat all the food I want if I drink a certain amount of water, have a certain amount of nutritious food, and a certain amount of sleep. I am not going to say no to myself. I am going to say yes, but make sure that I treat my body well first. So far, this has worked. But who knows? I am still very vulnerable from the binge on Tuesday night. I felt like a ferocious beast who could not be held back that night. The food did taste very good, but the self hate I am dealing with now - not worth it.
January 14th, 2010 at 2:43 pm
Generally I do not post on blogs, but I would like to say that this post really forced me to do so! really nice post…