Eating Disorder Talk

When entering an outpatient recovery program for an eating disorder, they look to you for why you should be there. There’s forms to fill regarding your mental state and how to think you look - fat, thin, emaciated; you get to tell them your psychological history and that of your family as well; and the best part is that you often have to keep a food diary - an honest account of what you ate, when, in what quantity and what you *may have done afterwards.*

Food diaries are normally something spoken of in the context of weight loss. Or, in actuality, for the development of a healthy eating plan. But did you know that keeping a journal of everything that passes your lips can actually be a step in the direction of recovery?

The first step in any addictive behaviour - and yes, I believe disordered eating to be highly addictive, neurally and emotionally - is to admit there’s a problem. Sometimes, we’re still quite stuck in the “it’s only a diet” or “I eat a lot sometimes, but the rest of the time, I’m fine” or even “yes, I use laxatives, but really, everyone does it sometimes” frames of mind. We can’t see past the “it’s only…” to the realistic “i’m not in control or healthy” part. This is where a food journal can help.

Sure, it’s pretty numbing, humiliating even, to see in black and white (or for someone else to see!) how little or much you eat. It’s a huge invasion of privacy, akin to when a close friend or family member asks “are you done with that yet?” or “what did you eat today? Did you eat today?” There’s a shame that is manifested, absolutely. Thoughts you might have when you confront your journal is that it’s being proven that you are gluttonous/extremely starving and you may even be disgusted with yourself and/or your actions.

It’d be nice if I thought that was a bad thing, right? Sorry. No luck there. I think part of hitting rock bottom is looking at yourself and not seeing anything that you don’t despise and then, preparations can be made for change.

So consider it. Track what you eat for a week in a little notebook. Show someone, don’t show anyone - it’s up to you. If you want to email me, I’d love to create a post about reader’s results. I’ll even include my own journal. My last word of advice though is to track what you eat for a week in a little notebook (or you know, wherever you’d like) and then to leave it for another week.

Then go back and read through. When it’s not as fresh and you don’t have the past day’s stresses on your mind still, it’s less easy to explain away your disordered eating. Instead of having a moment to make excuses like you might if you were continually reviewing it, you can forget how little or much you took in and be surprised, all over again.

If you’d like tips on how to keep a food diary, please visit this site.

food diary, addictions, eating disorder recovery, gluttony, starvation, diet, rock-bottom