Eating Disorder Talk

When I came across this article, I knew I’d be sharing it with you. Seems that October 11th will see the largest eating disorder awareness event Canada’s seen, Until Your Heart’s Content at the Boulevard Casino in Coquitlam.

The event will be hosted by Shelley’s Angels Society, a non-profit committed to providing funding to those afflicted with eating disorders who cannot afford private counseling via bursaries. World-known speakers include Dr. Anita Johnston, Lori Henry, Susan Kern, Karen Cook and more. Also on the bill are musician and dancers, such as Evelyn Yngveson and Divirani Naidoo.

Two days later, Dr. Johnston will be running the Soul Hunger Workshop, a day-long event with a view of challenging and questioning the feminine ideals and habits.

Sadly, I won’t be able to attend either of the events, but I recommend it to anyone who can - the ticket prices of $50 and %150 could well be worth it, to be surrounded by those recovered and positively stationed in life. IF anyone is planning on attending and would like to share their experiences, interpretation or even just some photos, please get in touch with me via email.

soul hunger workshop, eating disorder awareness, eating disorder events, until your heart’s content, shelley’s angels society, eating disorder recovery funding

When entering an outpatient recovery program for an eating disorder, they look to you for why you should be there. There’s forms to fill regarding your mental state and how to think you look - fat, thin, emaciated; you get to tell them your psychological history and that of your family as well; and the best part is that you often have to keep a food diary - an honest account of what you ate, when, in what quantity and what you *may have done afterwards.*

Food diaries are normally something spoken of in the context of weight loss. Or, in actuality, for the development of a healthy eating plan. But did you know that keeping a journal of everything that passes your lips can actually be a step in the direction of recovery?

The first step in any addictive behaviour - and yes, I believe disordered eating to be highly addictive, neurally and emotionally - is to admit there’s a problem. Sometimes, we’re still quite stuck in the “it’s only a diet” or “I eat a lot sometimes, but the rest of the time, I’m fine” or even “yes, I use laxatives, but really, everyone does it sometimes” frames of mind. We can’t see past the “it’s only…” to the realistic “i’m not in control or healthy” part. This is where a food journal can help.

Sure, it’s pretty numbing, humiliating even, to see in black and white (or for someone else to see!) how little or much you eat. It’s a huge invasion of privacy, akin to when a close friend or family member asks “are you done with that yet?” or “what did you eat today? Did you eat today?” There’s a shame that is manifested, absolutely. Thoughts you might have when you confront your journal is that it’s being proven that you are gluttonous/extremely starving and you may even be disgusted with yourself and/or your actions.

It’d be nice if I thought that was a bad thing, right? Sorry. No luck there. I think part of hitting rock bottom is looking at yourself and not seeing anything that you don’t despise and then, preparations can be made for change.

So consider it. Track what you eat for a week in a little notebook. Show someone, don’t show anyone - it’s up to you. If you want to email me, I’d love to create a post about reader’s results. I’ll even include my own journal. My last word of advice though is to track what you eat for a week in a little notebook (or you know, wherever you’d like) and then to leave it for another week.

Then go back and read through. When it’s not as fresh and you don’t have the past day’s stresses on your mind still, it’s less easy to explain away your disordered eating. Instead of having a moment to make excuses like you might if you were continually reviewing it, you can forget how little or much you took in and be surprised, all over again.

If you’d like tips on how to keep a food diary, please visit this site.

food diary, addictions, eating disorder recovery, gluttony, starvation, diet, rock-bottom

I’m feeling witty, yet humbled after a visit to my doctor during which we found that I’d dropped another two pounds and my blood pressure is back in the danger zone. Last night, I was looking at my reflection before a hurried shower as my daughter was sleeping. She sees this all the time, me engaging in self-judgements, searching my profile for signs of bloat or…what, i don’t know.

She’s still young enough to think that a reflection is a friend to play with, to poke and kiss and try to caress - but honestly, I’m running out of time to prevent her from seeing me as a unhealthy person to model herself after. What I saw last night shocked me because though I knew I was getting thin, it crept up on me how thin I’m already getting.

So, on that note, tonight I write about recovery - something seeming far away and unattainable at the moment. But still, it’s good to have long term goals.

Terra’s Version of the Twelve Steps for Eating Disorders*

1. I admit that I am suffering from an eating disorder, because of which, aspects of my life seem unmanageable.
2. I believe that with discipline, self-acceptance and the pursuit of health, I could be restored to sanity.
3. I’ve decided that in the case and in all likelihood, I will require help to recover from this illness. I will actively seek it and accept it when it’s offered to me.
4. I’ve taken inventory of my thoughts and habits, with a view to find ways to encourage positivity and discourage negative self-talk.
5. I am willing to be open about my habits and feeling with others, especially those directly affected, as long as it is for the greater good of communication and support.
6. I am ready to recover, even though it is a scary thought to process - my life would be too short and unfulfilled without mental and physical health.
7. I accept that I am not ensconced with faults for which I must punish myself, engage in disordered eating or give up - this is a hard journey and I must work at all steps of it, but even if I fall from my path to health, I can rejoin it at any time and it doesn’t make me a lesser person.
8. I am willing to forgive myself, my family, my peers, the media and other important influences for their role in or enabling of my eating disorder and ask that they do the same.
9. I recognize that my past of disordered eating has affected others and so choose to apologize for my role in their unhappiness, when doing so would have a positive affect.
10. I will continue, even when recovered, to reassess my improvements and backslides in an effort to be in tune with my recovery constantly.
11. I will learn to live with the thought that perfection, thinness, measurement are not realistic and to use the Serenity Prayer, in some form, as a personal mantra.
12. I will, during appropriate times and using appropriate avenues, tact and sensitivity, share with other my struggle as a means to help those who are also struggling.

Adapted from the 12-Steps available through the Al-Anon website.

An alternate mantra, taken from the Quado & Carrie site states:

Recognize that your faults are exactly what make you the wonderful person that you are. Recognize that your perfection consists of all these faults and imperfections. You are perfect in your imperfection. You are exactly right, exactly as you should be, right now. When the criticism starts, just stop it dead in its tracks and say: “I love and approve of myself. I accept and love myself exactly as I am.”

12 steps, eating disorder recovery, perfectionism, thinness, guilt, Serenity Prayer

Since you’re here for one of five reasons (according to last week’s poll), I must assume that you’ve stumbled onto or been referred to my new favourite blog, mamaVISION. You haven’t? Here’s your chance. Bookmark it and add it to your feed readers because this woman is informed, indignant, and supportive. She’s a pit bull wrapped in a cuddly infant snowsuit, licking your cheek.

Some of my favourite areas of her site include (in no specific order):

1. Her story. She was a model for six years and then quit and had to repair her disordered eating habits, self esteem and so on.
2. A recent email she received from Mike Smith. Who used stereotypical apples to oranges comparisons and was too scared to give his real name and a long-established email address!
3. A description of Social Anorexia and how it affects us.
4. Her audacity to tell parents to examine proana sites and proana videos on youtube. It’s wonderfully unabashed. Especially since it was following the outrage of…
5. Her posting on how to make your daughter anorexic - which basically lists the ways parents unknowingly instill disordered eating habits in their children, via rewarding, praise and modeling behaviours.

There’s lots more that I’d like to go into, but I won’t keep you when you could be over there!

Don’t forget to anonymously vote in this week’s poll!

The typical recovery program involves food and weight monitoring; one-on-one, group and sometimes family therapy; vital tracking; and journaling, in some form, whether it’s via art, music or writing.

A newer form of treatment is getting rave recommendations, as well as the typical critics - family centred therapy, or the Maudsley Approach. In fact, it’s gaining medical support as well: at it’s 2004 launch, the Maudlsey Parents website listed four therapists, now it’s over 60 (source: Wall Street Journal).

The program involves three phases typically consuming about a year, during which the patient is normally not in private care at a facility, but rather, with their family. These phases include:

• Weight restoration
  • Harmful side effects of the disorder are explained
  • Family’s typical eating habits and interactions are assessed
  • Therapist helps the family to re-feed the patient
  • Therapist models and provides feedback on a uncritical stance towards the eating disorder
• Returning control over eating to the patient
  • Family is schooled and encouraged to help the patient take control of eating habits, themselves.
  • Issues relating to eating are discussed as the program moves further forward
  • Small steps are taken to ensure that weight correction is moving in a positive direction, however normal social habits are encouraged
• Establishing a healthy identity
  • When weight is nearly normalized, identity and the eating disorder’s effect on establishment of it, is a main focus
  • Correction of misinterpretations of identity take place
  • Family is encouraged to prepare for the days ahead when they are no longer needed as a part of treatment - or even if treatment is not longer needed at all.

This seems like a great idea, however I do question how many families would be able to be, consistently, a constant role of support and teaching. It’s exhausting being close to someone with an eating disorder. Especially in the case of parents and children, there is often the dichotomy of parental self blame versus criticism of the child’s behaviour and lack of ability to “get over it.”

I suppose the main intention though is to provide a support system for both the curative and post-treatment eras - that’s in no way negative in my books.

family therapy, eating disorders, Maudsley Approach