Eating Disorder Talk

My best friend passed on the following tip to me: a podcast (link) of CBC’s Quirks and Quarks where in Gary Taubes, author of Good Calories. Bad Calories. speaks of his research, experience and opinions about the past 30 years of obesity-related advice. He hypothesizes in his book that simple carbs, such as those found in white flour and sugar, are what is really causing the obesity epidemic, diabetes diagnosis increases and potentially, even cancer and Alzheimer’s disease.

Have a listen to the podcast and let me know what you think. If this is were just another attempt for low-carb love, then I’d be extremely adverse to the results of his life’s work. In fact, I wouldn’t be writing about it.

But the fact is that North American diets have changed so drastically in the past centuries. And there are large differences between rates of the previously-mentioned diseases in the developed countries vs. areas wherein diets are comprised of complex grains, protein and fats. Where convenient and well, lazy food, isn’t an option for both economic and availability reasons. Is this a random correlation? Maybe, or maybe it’s a simple act of evolution.

I’m on the far leftist opinion of our over-developed first-world countries. I’m generalizing, completely, but I personally feel that our days are spent stressing, reaching to attain some goal that will not necessarily bring us happiness so much as put us another rung up the ladder. We seem to be making choices based on the choices other people make and as a society, are very self-important. And with these 85-hour work weeks, luxury automobiles, 24" waistlines, breast implants, botox, designer clothing, Tiffany diamonds and diverse portfolios, what do we eat? Wonderbread sandwiches with processed cheese. Nutrigrain bars. Smoothies, from those little smoothy vendors at the mall. We are over-saturated and spreading ourselves too thin, to start with.

What I’d like to know is why it’s taken someone so long to say it?

Once again, a Post Secret rant. Last time, it was about how someone’s secret was that they hoped their daughter wouldn’t inherit their eating disorder – the issue I had with it was that it was a secret. Obviously, I don’t have a problem with a parent not wanting their daughter to be the new generation of emaciation or closet-eating. Today, something far more disturbing:

Here’s the thing. Unlike some…protesters in the blogosphere, I don’t actually think it a sin to have an eating disorder and be a parent. Do you really think the generation before mine, who raised my peers, were anorexia or bulimia-free? No, it’s just now more mainstream and spoken about (and publicized) than it ever was before.

But I think that there’s a responsibility that parents with eating disorders have that their non-affected peers don’t – the task of trying to keep it a secret until your kids are old enough to understand what it is, and then to explain it to the best of your ability and in the least positive way possible. Not to put fear into your child, per se, but to make it a reality. An unwanted, unhealthy, mentally-scarring reality. Far from ideal, but as real as dad having a drinking problem or grandma liking the Valium a bit too much.

This mom is one that I turn my nose up at. Because, if you are so obsessively throwing up that you must purge everything you eat and do it in a way that your child can hear the noise and imitate it, you should not be raising that child. I’m not going to push recovery, because really, it’s evident that this mom is in need of some counseling, but that child did not ask to be brought into a world where puking is a normal, everyday thing.

Let me use an extreme example to illustrate my case: if a parent was a regular pot smoker, but didn’t smoke in front of there child, necessarily, would it be right for their child to be able to imitate the exaggerated toking sound that most potheads have? Would you think that were the right thing, for your two year old to walk around going, “whoosh whoosh whoosh” while rounding out their lips and miming a pincer grasp at their lips? Not in a million years, (except for all of you crazy potheads who are reading this and laughing at the mental image, that is. Go get some Doritos, eh?). You would think it was completely irresponsible, wouldn’t you?

Well, just imagine when this little girl is four and hits the age where words coming flying out of her mouth without forethought (or malice).

When she’s 10 and starting to think that boys don’t like her as much as the other girls in her class.

When she’s 12 and a little moody, hell, even depressive, and spends days staring at magazines and the TV while snacking.

When she’s 13 and realizes, because she is so grown up now, that boys will like her if she’s thinner. So she must stop snacking, but if she doesn’t want to or can’t, then maybe she should just do what her mom always has – it’s worked for her.

When she’s 16 and suffering kidney failure and so goes into recovery with a new-found healthy determination.

And what about when she’s 17 and has her first heart attack?

And at her funeral? What would her mother think then of her two year old little girl imitating her purging obsession?

To me, being a parent is not about doing what works for me, and how my child fits into it. It’s about doing what’s right for her, even if it doesn’t feel right for me. And if I couldn’t do those hard things that I have to do, then it would affect her greatly. As that parent, I would never choose myself over ruining her life, willingly.

Today, a purely rant-based post.

There’s this blogger who has in the past made some very insulting, critical post and comments about a friend of mine. She started a blogwar, basically, but since my friend is very popular, she had a lot of spiteful supporters in her corner, also flaming the questionable blogger. With me so far?

I have in the past, commented on this person’s blog in support of my friend and in an apparent aim to end the blogwar, last night, the questionable blogger posted all of the past negative comments towards themselves and their blog. Both this blog and my personal blog were linked in that post and I was later further insulted when I commented on the questionable blogger’s ethics.

This person called me emaciated, a skeleton and suggested that the title of skeleton is one that would intrigue me. Attention seeking and paranoia were comments directed towards me. The blogger suggested that maybe I have a problem like anorexia or bulimia -  therefore the blogger didn’t actually read the posts that were linked.

I’ve rarely had my eating disorder used as a personal attack against me and honestly, I’m aghast at the insensitivity of this questionable blogger. I’m still in a rage over the whole situation and the comment made at my expense. The blogger has since privatized the blog so that only those invited may view it.

Have you had your ED used against you in the past and how did you deal with it?

Googling can get you some amazing news items, but sometimes I’ve found articles that turned my stomach.

Last night I came across a link to a pro-life site, basically blaming abortions for the cause of some eating disorders. This article gives mention to an Associated Press article, for which the link was neither given nor is found today. It goes on to say that the article doesn’t mention that some women suffer from eating disorders after having abortions.

The content of this link is simultaneously demeaning to those limiting to those suffering eating disorders while also being elementary in it’s opinion that if women were informed of this connection, it:

might help some women grow more mentally healthy plus put on a few pounds.

My questions are:

• How many of some women suffered prior to undergoing the procedure and due to the stress involved, experienced an increase in their disordered activities?
• How would letting women (who are already facing a tough decision) know that they could “get an eating disorder” if they go through with it, help?
• What percentage of women not previously showing signs of disordered eating spontaneously develop an eating disorder after undergoing an abortion?

Seems to me that pro-lifers are looking for any excuse to convince women to opt out of abortions.

prolife, associate press, abortion, eating disorders, informed consent

So you’ve got the big three sisters: anorexia, bulimia and binge eating. Then also exists the cousin of the big three, EDNOS.

Inherent in the first two at least is a perfectionism trait - most anorexics and bulimics can be extremely good at what they do, both on and off the ED court. In fact all three major disorders are accompanied by a sense of failure. It’s especially well documented conjunction with BED - guilt during a binge period is one of the main symptoms; the binge cycle of bulimia is also full of guilt for many sufferers - for over eating to the point of feeling the need to purge. Anorexics, well, sometimes there’s guilt for the pain that the disorder has brought to friends and family - this is especially prevalent during relapse and recovery.

So, why is it that this cousin, this EDNOS, is by definition akin to failing at being truly a person with an eating disorder?

Doesn’t that set up the people diagnosed with it to further spiral downwards? I mean, I would be diagnosed as EDNOS at the moment, based on my lack of DSM-IV requirements for an anorexic diagnosis - and there’s this voice inside of me that says (very quietly, mind you)

You can’t even be anorexic properly. You get an F in eating disorders. Now pull up your socks and really put 110% into it.

Is this a good thing? How do you think that this voice could be eliminated, outside of treatment? Is a renaming of EDNOS required?

EDNOS, Binge Eating Disorder, Anorexia, Bulimia, Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

Today, during my daughter’s (too short) nap - the time I usually use to clean my house, relax, write, read, shower - I got a phone call, interrupting my super-speedy dish washing from the Toronto-based National Eating Disorder Information Centre (NEDIC). A very soft spoken, polite woman confirmed my identity and let me know that the director of the centre had seen this site and they could not support it because it was a bad influence.

When asked for clarification, she went over his highlighted notes (she was very open) and agreed with me that some of the pictures I’ve posted have been triggering. But the main problem was that in my post a few days ago about diabulimia, I had said

my favourite effect of diabulimia
…
shakiness and dysphoria.

Apparently, a lot of the people they help are “easily influenced” and my obvious sarcasm could be misconstrued. As saying hypoglycemia is awesome. That shakiness verging on passing out? The best fun you could ever have. Better than sex and new socks and guilt-free chocolate and R & R and sleeping in and designer clothing on sale. Combined. (I may be exaggerating, a tiny bit.)

Okay, I get that this is a site that does not parallel, directly, their opinion that anyone not in recovery who has an eating disorder should be. I can sympathize, even, with the thought that I am someone pushing people further from treatment - those easily influenced people, that is. What I cannot handle is the thought that this (what I can only imagine) fair-skinned, fine blonde haired, 5′1″, 100 pounds, 22 year old, fresh out of college girl thinks that I want that responsibility of triggering someone…

I have a hard enough time eating in front of my 11-month old daughter - something I make an effort to do at every meal and snack time, so that it’s not obvious that mummy is struggling and losing this relapsing battle, again - and she’s doesn’t even know what’s really going on, yet. I could cheat and she wouldn’t even notice or care. It means the world to me that she doesn’t see me fighting to take in a couple hundred calories, but she likely will. So sorry if this is a little impersonal - but why the hell would I want to put that effort up for the internet?

rants, NEDIC, triggers, recovery