Eating Disorder Talk

My best friend passed on the following tip to me: a podcast (link) of CBC’s Quirks and Quarks where in Gary Taubes, author of Good Calories. Bad Calories. speaks of his research, experience and opinions about the past 30 years of obesity-related advice. He hypothesizes in his book that simple carbs, such as those found in white flour and sugar, are what is really causing the obesity epidemic, diabetes diagnosis increases and potentially, even cancer and Alzheimer’s disease.

Have a listen to the podcast and let me know what you think. If this is were just another attempt for low-carb love, then I’d be extremely adverse to the results of his life’s work. In fact, I wouldn’t be writing about it.

But the fact is that North American diets have changed so drastically in the past centuries. And there are large differences between rates of the previously-mentioned diseases in the developed countries vs. areas wherein diets are comprised of complex grains, protein and fats. Where convenient and well, lazy food, isn’t an option for both economic and availability reasons. Is this a random correlation? Maybe, or maybe it’s a simple act of evolution.

I’m on the far leftist opinion of our over-developed first-world countries. I’m generalizing, completely, but I personally feel that our days are spent stressing, reaching to attain some goal that will not necessarily bring us happiness so much as put us another rung up the ladder. We seem to be making choices based on the choices other people make and as a society, are very self-important. And with these 85-hour work weeks, luxury automobiles, 24" waistlines, breast implants, botox, designer clothing, Tiffany diamonds and diverse portfolios, what do we eat? Wonderbread sandwiches with processed cheese. Nutrigrain bars. Smoothies, from those little smoothy vendors at the mall. We are over-saturated and spreading ourselves too thin, to start with.

What I’d like to know is why it’s taken someone so long to say it?

Once again, a Post Secret rant. Last time, it was about how someone’s secret was that they hoped their daughter wouldn’t inherit their eating disorder – the issue I had with it was that it was a secret. Obviously, I don’t have a problem with a parent not wanting their daughter to be the new generation of emaciation or closet-eating. Today, something far more disturbing:

Here’s the thing. Unlike some…protesters in the blogosphere, I don’t actually think it a sin to have an eating disorder and be a parent. Do you really think the generation before mine, who raised my peers, were anorexia or bulimia-free? No, it’s just now more mainstream and spoken about (and publicized) than it ever was before.

But I think that there’s a responsibility that parents with eating disorders have that their non-affected peers don’t – the task of trying to keep it a secret until your kids are old enough to understand what it is, and then to explain it to the best of your ability and in the least positive way possible. Not to put fear into your child, per se, but to make it a reality. An unwanted, unhealthy, mentally-scarring reality. Far from ideal, but as real as dad having a drinking problem or grandma liking the Valium a bit too much.

This mom is one that I turn my nose up at. Because, if you are so obsessively throwing up that you must purge everything you eat and do it in a way that your child can hear the noise and imitate it, you should not be raising that child. I’m not going to push recovery, because really, it’s evident that this mom is in need of some counseling, but that child did not ask to be brought into a world where puking is a normal, everyday thing.

Let me use an extreme example to illustrate my case: if a parent was a regular pot smoker, but didn’t smoke in front of there child, necessarily, would it be right for their child to be able to imitate the exaggerated toking sound that most potheads have? Would you think that were the right thing, for your two year old to walk around going, “whoosh whoosh whoosh” while rounding out their lips and miming a pincer grasp at their lips? Not in a million years, (except for all of you crazy potheads who are reading this and laughing at the mental image, that is. Go get some Doritos, eh?). You would think it was completely irresponsible, wouldn’t you?

Well, just imagine when this little girl is four and hits the age where words coming flying out of her mouth without forethought (or malice).

When she’s 10 and starting to think that boys don’t like her as much as the other girls in her class.

When she’s 12 and a little moody, hell, even depressive, and spends days staring at magazines and the TV while snacking.

When she’s 13 and realizes, because she is so grown up now, that boys will like her if she’s thinner. So she must stop snacking, but if she doesn’t want to or can’t, then maybe she should just do what her mom always has – it’s worked for her.

When she’s 16 and suffering kidney failure and so goes into recovery with a new-found healthy determination.

And what about when she’s 17 and has her first heart attack?

And at her funeral? What would her mother think then of her two year old little girl imitating her purging obsession?

To me, being a parent is not about doing what works for me, and how my child fits into it. It’s about doing what’s right for her, even if it doesn’t feel right for me. And if I couldn’t do those hard things that I have to do, then it would affect her greatly. As that parent, I would never choose myself over ruining her life, willingly.

So, if you’re not aware, there’s a very popular website called Post Secret. It’s one of the most successful blogs out there, without paid advertising apparently, and it’s premise is that people send in post cards in with an image and a secret – get it? Post Secret. Later, the blog’s author puts the best secrets into a book – which people buy and he goes on tours to promote. Anyways.

here’s the usual cheating and fantasizing and stealing – the seven deadly sins, basically. There’s secrets of retaliation and guilt and forgiveness. Most of the time it’s a pretty interesting anthropological study. A couple of weeks ago, the image at the left was one of the featured secrets.

Now, I’ve written in the past of my concern over my eating disorder, whether teetering in recovery or not, having such an affect on my daughter as to sway her towards the abyss. I mean, when you see someone 24 hours a day who is obviously plagued, it could consequently equal her thinking it’s normal or even acceptable. This is the last thing I want, obviously.

But my problem with this postcard is that it was sent into a secret website, meaning that the author of the postcard either doesn’t want people to know about her eating disorder (in which case, how likely it is that it will be passed onto her daughter) or she’s consumed with shame that she doesn’t want her daughter to develop an eating disorder.

Which do you think it is and how would this hit you?

I came across an article on one of my blog feeds, and though not directly related to eating disorders, it caused the tiny hamster wheel to start squeaking in my brain.

Roles in people suffering and recovering from and those at risk of developing an eating disorder are quite important, though rarely discussed. When you first dabble in the illness, before it’s taken control and while you’re still ‘on a diet,’ ‘eating a little extra because of the ________’ or ‘just using a little extra laxatives to lend a hand for maintenance,’ you’re in your usual lifestyle. You’re a child, a parent, a niece, an aunt, a teacher, lawyer, babysitter, student, church-congregant, what have you. You’re you.

Once the condition really sets in though, there’s a shift.

You become a double-lifer, someone who hides a part of themselves from other people, who shields to protect, who withdraws to conceal. You become aware, sort of like abused children who will protect their parents, that what you’re doing isn’t right or healthy, but it is what it is and that protection makes you a parent to the illness, sort of.

You also become a student to it. Learning what does and doesn’t work, what is safe to do and not, what that type of dizziness means and how to rid yourself of it enough to keep going until the next time it comes.

Once you’re really far gone, you’re that abusive child I just spoke of. You defend it’s honour and righteousness and you will not have anyone speak ill of this condition that has become your parent. Sure, it tells you you’re ugly, stupid, unspecial and a failure everyday upon waking. But it holds you closely and protects you from yourself and since you’re such a bad person (child), you’re really thankful for it.

Once you begin recovery, you’re assigned the role of estranged daughter - you’ve left and disappointed your family and you feel torn between letting them down and doing what you think is right for yourself (some of the time). Flash forward to recovered, as much as a person can be, and you’re now the former popular girl from high school who fell from the social heavens due to a drunken homecoming dance conception.

You’re ostracized, to a certain degree, from those that supported your disordered eating - just not publicly. Sure, they don’t tell you to your face that you’re beneath them, but the gossiping about your holier-than-thou attitude is rampant. “Sure she’s recovered, but just look at what she’s done to herself,” can be heard with a telescopic bug. They will hug you and kiss you and congratulate you, but they won’t mean it.

Flash forward further and you may find yourself a teacher, educating those around you and not such as the case of my blog, about the dangers and the inherently addictive properties eating disorders have. You tell anyone who wants to know and also those who don’t about your own struggle and about those you’ve spoken with, counseled, befriended and helped.

You’ve come full-circle, it seems, to take on the challenging role of cautionary host. More so, you find fault in so many things you become the eating disorder version of ultra-politically correct, dodging comments and advertisements and song lyrics that hit the wrong buttons. At some point, you take to task nearly everything considerable as a trigger or self-esteem blow and in all honesty, are a ticking time bomb.

The thing is: you always were a ticking time bomb, you’ve just switched teams.

Warning: I have been a stoic obsessive, future best friend fan of Angelina Jolie’s since 1998. I am not anything near to unbaised.

I knew that we were kindred spirits.

I announced my pregnancy at the same time that she publicized hers. We both had a penchant for changing our hair and inking our memories via tattoos (she only has more ‘cuz she has more money), and dabbled in the modeling business (and drug scene that seems to go with it).

Now, Angelina has confirmed what I previously posted.

Being a mom is tough on the weight.

She’s quoted as saying:

“Yes of course I have lost weight. Some days are exhausting, only I’m not able to collapse. I believe in pushing myself to the limits.”

So, can everyone finally lay off of the eating disorder rumours?

I mean, yes, it’s important to model good eating habits and to maintain a healthy weight for your children. But you try working as an actress, being a UN supporter, supporting your partner’s work, raising four kids and mourning the death of your mother. Could you maintain a healthy weight while doing this?

I can’t and I don’t have half of the commitments.

There’s been quite a lot of stir over the new iMac. Yes, it’s a beautiful machine guaranteed to convert even more people to the Apple side, but the stir has really been about it’s advertising.

The Alliance for Eating Disorder Awareness wrote a letter directly to Steve Jobs after the newest iMac advertisment went global with the tagline, “You can’t be too thin. Or too powerful.” Apple pulled the ad after 13 days of world-viewing, replacing it with the tagline-less, “The new, all-in-one iMac.”

So what do you think? Was the tagline really as dangerous and potentially triggering as AEDA thinks?

Some articles to check out:

• Wired Blogs
• Macenstein - here and here
• Huffington Post
• Back in Skinny Jeans
• Yahoo News

Personal story: my daughter and I were coming home on the bus today from the craft store - we were looking for some new yarn colours for another crocheting project for a friend’s new place. After we went past the hospital where she was born, one that offers a wonderful eating disorders program as well as the reproductive psychiatry program that I participated in, a woman and her companion got on the bus.

I’m assuming that the woman was an inpatient of the program, out on a day-trip. She was severely anorexic. So thin that her ocular cavities stood out from her face. She was a little taller than me and I’d say I outweigh her by 25 pounds. She spoke with a tiny voice to her friend, looking downward most of the time. The lanugo covered most visible surfaces. She was advanced, extreme and I’m guessing an eyesore to every other person on the bus who avoided looking at her.

I glanced her way a number of times, hoping for the chance to smile at her - to show her that I didn’t think she was worthy of dismissal or to be invisible (whether it was her intention to be, or not), but she didn’t meet my eyes until a few minutes into our bus ride. Why?

Because my wonderful daughter, nearly 13 months, who is outrageously social most of the time, leaned as far out of her stroller as she could towards the woman, hung her head backwards as if upside-down and gave her a thousand watt smile. The woman was obviously caught off guard and looked to me, as if for an explanation. Zoë tried again to engage the woman and while in the same position, did a little finger-curling wave. Then the woman gave a little half smile, barely discernible and Zoë laughed.

So did the woman. It was small, but it sounded like a form of joy to me. Toddlers are amazing individuals. They don’t judge or show hatred. Or even tension around people who may be construed as problematic by us, apparently higher, adults. They are incredibly intuitive and in those situations sometimes, they just share themselves.

It’s not really a contest, I’ve just found it ironic that both websites would post interrelated items at the same time.

On mamaVision, there some controversy over her classification of lurkers and participants in ProAna arenas. According to MV in this post, Type one ProAna congregants are mentally affected by the disease, whereas Type twos are seekers of the disease or lifestyle in an attempt to be thin enough to meet media standards. Type ones visit the forums for support from others in their situations; type two visit for tips, thinspiration, and support after breaking down during a fast.

This was on this week’s Post Secret post. See? It’s like they’re reading each other’s minds!

For more info on wannarexics, read this article.

It’s a long-standing theory - women who were abused, especially sexually, prior to puberty are at an increased risk for development of eating disorders. Stereotypically, it was thought that bulimics were all rape survivors since the purging addiction was a form of cleansing; anorexics were resultant of molestation, attempting to rid themselves of anything pleasant to touch. I’ve never heard a stereotype about overeaters, though one could go far enough to say that it’s a form of escapism - requisite by so many different types of sexual abuse.

Well known for developing an eating disorder after her rape at 12 years of age, Fiona Apple feeds the myth of eating disorders decreasing sexual aggression.

She had strange eating habits. “It was colors,” she explains. “I couldn’t eat things that looked a certain way, that were a certain color. I mean, there was a time when I couldn’t eat things that I felt clashed with what I was wearing. I don’t mean ‘clash’ like ‘fashionably clash’ - there was just something in my head that if it didn’t balance, I couldn’t eat it, and I was so afraid of doing the wrong thing. If I ate something, I felt like I was doing it because I don’t want to be crazy.’ ‘I’m going to eat that fucking apple right now, even though I’m wearing a yellow dress.’ This would go on in my head all the time. And it’s exhausting. I would tell my sister, ‘I’m just so tired I can’t manage myself anymore.’ I felt like I was the mother of some retarded child that was throwing fits all the time, and I couldn’t help it. It would take me half an hour to pick an apple out of the drawer. I couldn’t pick the right one.”

So why were you like that?

“Because I felt like I had no control over my life.”

“For me, it wasn’t about getting thin, it was about getting rid of the bait that was attached to my body. A lot of it came from the self-loathing that came from being raped at the point of developing my voluptuousness,” she explains. “I just thought that if you had a body and if you had anything on you that could be grabbed, it would be grabbed. So I did purposely get rid of it.”

In 2005, the BBC produced an article with the University of Bristol’s study findings - stating that girls who has faced abuse before the age of 16 were twice as likely as their counterparts to develop an eating disorder in later life. This was based on any physical abuse, but of the study’s participants who’d been sexually abused, 15% showed symptoms of an eating disorder. That’s 5% more than the assessed prevalence in North America.

A spokesman for the Eating Disorders Association said the findings were not surprising and should be viewed in context.

“We have known for some time that sexual abuse can lead to eating disorders.”

…

“What is interesting about people who develop disorders after abuse is that it is a defense mechanism; they do it so they don’t draw attention to themselves.”

Something Fishy had something to say, as well. If food has been used as a lure into the sexual abuse, sufferers may develop a food phobia or even, in the case of oral sexually-based abuse, an automatic gagging, choking or frightened feeling upon eating.

Survivors may feel a loss of immense control over their bodies and their lives. Because of self-blame they may carry a tremendous burden of guilt. They may feel a need to push others away, or a hurried sense to grow-up, in order to protect themselves.

The backlash of Sexual Abuse is that survivors may turn to food (or alcoholism or drug addiction) as a means to cope. Binging may offer a sense of comfort and a way to stuff down emotions of pain and anger. Purging may serve as a release of emotion or as a means to self-punish. In a desperate attempt to gain control over their bodies some victims will turn to food and restriction. They may feel dirty and violated, unable to get clean and purging may serve as a temporary fix to those feelings. They may attempt to control their body-shape, becoming overweight or under weight, in order to push people away to prevent further abuse, or so that the abuse will stop (if it is still occurring). Food, binging and purging and restriction/starvation may all provide a sense of safety, certainty and security that they feel they cannot find anywhere else.

About.com has an article detailing why anorectics may have problems with sexual relationships - in fact being sexually anorexic. Lack of development, the lack of “need” for sex, pleasure avoidance and intimacy issues are discussed briefly. I’d like to challenge this article and it’s supporting research with a survey of my own, but that will have to wait for another day, another post.

Diet Blog posted an article on a study’s findings published recently in the New England Journal of Medicine that shows a direct relationship between obesity in ourselves and our close familial and social ties. In the same article, it’s mentioned that girls who talk about their problems at length with friends may be more likely to suffer from depression and anxiety symptoms.

Playing devil’s advocate and being argumentative are my passions - yes, there is a difference as many a frustrated debater has said to me.

So I’d like to know, of those people who suffer from eating disorders, at what rates are their close social ties and family also dealing with their own symptoms?

The relationship between family members and eating disorders has been speculated and researched in the past few years extensively. In one article, an expert sums it up nicely:

But relatives of individuals with eating disorders are at seven to 12 times higher risk than relatives of individuals without eating disorders. The familiality of anorexia nervosa is the highest; they tend to have the densest family history[.]

So ask yourself, if you’re currently an eating disorder sufferer or are recovered, how many people do you know closely, be it in your family or friends, that have their own histories? Is this an example of modeling the behaviours or enabling them?

So you’ve got the big three sisters: anorexia, bulimia and binge eating. Then also exists the cousin of the big three, EDNOS.

Inherent in the first two at least is a perfectionism trait - most anorexics and bulimics can be extremely good at what they do, both on and off the ED court. In fact all three major disorders are accompanied by a sense of failure. It’s especially well documented conjunction with BED - guilt during a binge period is one of the main symptoms; the binge cycle of bulimia is also full of guilt for many sufferers - for over eating to the point of feeling the need to purge. Anorexics, well, sometimes there’s guilt for the pain that the disorder has brought to friends and family - this is especially prevalent during relapse and recovery.

So, why is it that this cousin, this EDNOS, is by definition akin to failing at being truly a person with an eating disorder?

Doesn’t that set up the people diagnosed with it to further spiral downwards? I mean, I would be diagnosed as EDNOS at the moment, based on my lack of DSM-IV requirements for an anorexic diagnosis - and there’s this voice inside of me that says (very quietly, mind you)

You can’t even be anorexic properly. You get an F in eating disorders. Now pull up your socks and really put 110% into it.

Is this a good thing? How do you think that this voice could be eliminated, outside of treatment? Is a renaming of EDNOS required?

EDNOS, Binge Eating Disorder, Anorexia, Bulimia, Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

From the late 1800s to 1990, the definition of the ideal female form has changed drastically. Using this article, I’ve summed up the various epitomes:

From the late 1800s through the 1920s, corsets provided extreme hourglass shaping. Some women had ribs removed to further enhance the effect of their small waist in relation to bulging bust and hips. The perfect woman was frail, pale-skinned and came with a large bustle. By the end of the 1920s a movement had begun - women appeared free and sexy. Women wore bobbed haircuts, bound their breasts and burned their corsets!

During the 1940s, due to World War II, women took up working in factories, stereotypically becoming “tougher” and strong. In the 50s, the babyboomer age, women’s forms became more ample since there was a large focus on fertility and nurturing. The 60s and 70s would bring about a bigger change - the stick-thin model, Twiggy, who quickly became a mass celebrity - famous for being extremely thin and boyish.

Then the 80s came. Much as in today’s society, the ideal changed frequently and unpredictably from one extreme to the other. A general focus on more healthy, athletic and “fit” ideals preoccupied most of the decade, with thin and boyish models remaining popular and voluptuous sexpots garnering attention (occasionally only to be catered to via pornography). Large breasts when accompanied by a toned, slim body, in particular, were coveted by women and men, alike.

In my own opinion, the past 25 years of the female form have been drastically oppositional. One moment, we’re aching for androgyny, the next, the hourglass figure. Sometimes, we idealize both.

Today, one of my mommy-friends said that I have a body that 95% of women would kill for. While I’m aware that she hasn’t taken an official poll by any means, I wonder: if I have a near-perfect body, what kind of perfect is it in the vicinity of and why do I keep wanting to change it because it’s too far from perfect, to me?

What’s your version of a flawless female form?

scarlett johansson, keira knightley, perfect body, corsets, Twiggy

Pro Ana and Mia (anorexic and bulimic) websites have been around for quite a while. In fact, I’ve met some of my closest friends on one site that I used to frequent, which has since been shut down. The question I’m putting out there today is if these websites are as detrimental as they are being portrayed to be.

Yes, these are places where people with active eating disorders can congregate. Tips are often shared, though sometimes only via personal messaging or email, so as not to influence others. “Thinspiration” pictures and stories, triggers for many, are posted to peruse and comment upon. Competitions, though informal and usually unsupported by the site’s owners, are announced amoungst members. Members often post their “stats” - measurements; current, high and goal weights - and a quote along the lines of “hunger hurts but starving works” as their signature, providing others with fodder for their own internal demons. Pro-ED sites are not positive in any of these aspects…

But if you’ve ever been a member of or happened upon one of these sites and taken longer than two minutes to form an opinion, you can observe an amazing vessel of support. Not just for the eating disorders themselves, but for people active in their illness, depressed, suicidal and even seeking treatment. In my opinion, this is not a negative thing. This is extremely positive in a society wherein it’s thought that eating disorders are any and all of the following: selfish, immature, attention-seeking behaviour, something spoiled little girls do and a symptom of extreme mental disfunction.

I would prefer to have a million people screaming their weights rally around me in a time of need, than to have one person telling me I’m not fat and need to accept it as my mantra. Sometimes, that’s what these sites are designed and joined for - to see that we’re not alone and others care and understand that it’s not just as easy as getting over it.

Unfortunately, most documentation arguing against the sites give mention of studies showing a relationship between sickness duration and the use of the sites, “promoting” eating disorders and glorifying them as a lifestyle choice. Some of the best support sites I’ve come across open with the disclaimer such as the following one, from Pro-Ana Nation:

Anorexia is not only about food. It becomes a mechanism to cope with serious, emotional problems. My wounds will never heal. I have not been able to recover. Anorexia kills, but as controversial as it may be, it keeps me alive.

Eating disorders will not make you feel thin, proud and beautiful. Every day is a constant struggle of self-hatred and obsessing about food, calories, fat grams and weight. Do not contact me if you want to ‘learn’ how to develop anorexia and bulimia, or because you want to know how to hide your disorder from friends, family and doctors.

I sometimes refer to anorexia and bulimia as “ana” and “mia.” That does not mean I try to trivialise serious, mental disorders. They are not friendly little pet names, but diseases.

Recovery is not a choice, because eating disorders are self-destructive. It is a healing process you have to go through in an attempt to rid yourself from anorexia and bulimia. This site is intended for disordered minds that have not been able to recover.

Now, personally, I don’t see a community selling eating disorders as a wonderful way of life or magical diet. I see someone opening up their minds so that others in a similar place can feel less trapped within their own mental confines. So what’s so bad about that?