Eating Disorder Talk

Last week, I was doing pretty well, updating regularly, eating regularly and then Saturday happened.

I had been looking forward to my birthday party for a variety of reasons, mostly the fact that I hadn’t been out, sans child, in months and it was to be her first sleepover night with her grandmother. This meant so much to me, having a night away, that of course, I overdid it.

Three days later, I still had a smidge of a hang over. I wasn’t able to eat much for those three days, dropping about seven pounds from the period bloat weight. Back under 100 pounds. Sigh.

Then just when I thought I was recovered, Wednesday evening reared it’s ugly head, bringing the flu with it.

Both my daughter and I were struck simultaneously, her in the form of a two-hour wailfest while we were downtown shopping and me in the form of muscle weakness and headache to the point of doing anything possible to get her to stop screeching, to save my brain from exploding.

So now, it’s been about two days and she’s got full-on ear infections and the beginning of bronchitis. Me? I don’t even know now, since I am so sleep deprived and under-nourished that I’ve got a buzz going. I’ve slept about five hours in these two days because I have a "spirited child."

Spirited kids feel and express things deeply. They’re either clamouring for cuddles or slapping you in the face. They’re screaming or staring at you blankly. This has been my life for the past year and a half, almost, living in the shadow of infant (now toddler) mood swings, always tiptoeing and shhshing other people. And it’s manageable - hell, it’s even fun most of the time - until she gets sick.

Then the world ends and it is all my fault while at the same time, I’m the only one who can make it all better. I don’t get to sleep because she will not sleep on her own. This means I spend most nights alternating rocking and soothing and trying to sleep upright in a chair with her in my arms, my palm making small, soft circles on her back. She is both inconsolable and needy of consoling at all times - leading to it being 110% Zoë time and no such thing as mommy time (even in regards to me eating and going to the bathroom).

Moral to this story: I’ll be back when everything else is back to normal.