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Admitting a Problem

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Laxatives. I had admitting this one. But I am ready to give it up and it helps when I come out of the closet. Laxatives.

Since last Tuesday, I have been taking ex-lax daily. I didn’t plan on it. I figured, “Oh, I will do it just this once. The “once” turned into three days in a row and so on. Even on a day I was planning to stop (yesterday), my acid reflux went crazy, so I took a laxative to get some of the acid out of my body. The reflux had to do with all the caffeine and wine I was drinking – it was my own damn fault. The laxative did help.

I now have 3 rounds of laxatives left. I plan to use them up and that is the end of it. That is what I am praying for. I don’t know if I will want to use a laxative tomorrow. Right now, I don’t want to and I don’t plan on it. The option is there. … I just have to see how I am feeling and go from there.

Close to when I first took over the blog, I spoke about laxatives. It never occurred to me that they were an option and that they could be yet another addiction. A reader questioned my lame blog. I did not know. A part of me felt ashamed by this person’s response. I felt like an idiot. But then I realized, I was criticized for my own thoughts. I can’t control my thoughts. Thoughts happen whether you want to have them or not. I say my thoughts out loud in a blog about my food problem.

Today, I am bothered by that comment. Now that I have the problem, I am disliking that comment from that reader. It was not considerate to me. Eating disorders are a very delicate thing. Do not question what a person is going through. If you have or have had an eating disorder, pretend you are talking to the most sensitive part of yourself … than speak.

I realize I have not been taking laxatives for long, but I do realize this is quickly becoming a problem and I want to stop it now.


Posted in General on May 14th, 2009

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About Eating Disorder Talk

The goal of Eating Disorder Talk is to encourage family and friends of people living with disordered eating - as well as sufferers - to learn more about the conditions, where to get help, the risks associated and another vessel of communication. I come with 20 years of experience living with (and sometimes for) anorexia; my job is not to cure, it’s to allow others to speak. This means wanting to help those that want help and to provide a voice to those who don’t.

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