Eating Disorder Talk

Another incident pops out in my head when I think about the eating disorders I had witnessed. Every year, my studio attended Regional Dance America on the West Coast. This is where small ballet schools would travel to one state, take master classes with amazing teachers, and perform pieces to represent their school. It was a lot of fun and a great way to meet other dancers. We would size each other up in every way - check out the competition, see who was better than who, … you get the idea. Overall, it was a lot of fun.
In the master classes, schools mixed with different schools. We would find each other making other friends from different ballet schools. In one classes, we were being let through a resting exercise. The class was packed and I found myself lying around a bunch of strangers. I remember looking to the girl to my right when the teacher said something goofy. We locked eyes and got each other to smile at the teachers silliness. It was a small and brief connection, but it was nice. I didn’t think much of it.
That evening, I was sitting in the audience at a performance. A friend of mine leaned over during a piece and whispered, “Eewww! That’s the totally anorexic girl!” I looked to where she was pointing and there was that nice girl I connected with in class. She was facing the audience in a dance pose, wearing a unitard, … and I could see everything. I could see her heart beating.

I grew up as a ballerina. I remember at one choice I had a choice between ballet and soccer. It was a tough one, but I went with ballet because I fell in love with the art of being graceful. Now, I was completely oblivious and totally in denial about other people’s eating disorders. If anything, I was in major denial about it and ready to stick up for someone who was stick thin. I was blessed and born with a fast metabolism, so I didn’t think much about it. I was close friends with this one girl who (I heard rumor) was throwing up her food. Ironically, by the time this rumor got to me, the girl had decided to stop hanging out with me and spend more time with the popular girls at the school. She was downright rude towards me. Looking back on it now, I was a thin girl and I did not have to work for it. She could have very well resented me. I don’t know for sure … just thinking. If anything, hearing about her habits made me really get more good at denial. I did not want to believe that anyone could do something so horrific to their body. I couldn’t understand it. Not one bit.

My name is Jenna Kantor and I FINALLY got a hold of writing for this blog. Years ago, when this blog first came up, I jumped at it, but someone beat me to the punch.
Why would I be so anxious? I have issues with food. I have lived, worked, survived, and faced my issues with food. I was part of a 12 step program for three years that helped me accept and learn that I use food as my source of addiction. If I was still in the program, I would not even be allowed to blog or mention their name in my blog because it goes against the 12 steps. I may not be in the program, but in respect to it, I am going to do my best to not mention the program by name. I do not want to mislead anyone into thinking that I have represent other groups. I am just another voice with a very strong opinion about food. It can be a drug and for me, it is my drug of choice.

So here I finally am and I get the amazing opportunity to write about food. I am a performer first … grew up as a ballerina, so when it comes to all types of eating disorders, I have seen it all.
In this blog, I hope to help people with these eating disorders find they are not alone. That would be super cool.