Eating Disorder Talk

I was a fat kid. Until I learned all there was to know about anorexia, that is. And to be honest, about 80% of my initial motivation to become anorexic was to not be the chubby kid. No longer picked on in school so that I spent lunch hours reading alone in the classroom. No longer spoken about at the doctor’s office in hushed tones while I stood outside and overheard the word ‘clinically obese.’ I didn’t want to have any more reason to be labelled, I suppose, and being fat, it was the one I could control most.

Sure, later anorexia became much more than being thin or liked. But that’s not what this series is about.

This theory I have is that the media does have quite an affect on eating disorder increases. Not strictly in the usual sense, that surrounding us with images of thin, successful people is plaguing our minds and diets; that there is so much literature out there, documenting increasing in obesity in parallel with increases in other health problems.

Obesity can in part be blamed for a whole host of problems:

• Heart disease;
• Diabetes, type two;
• Some cancers;
• Sleep problems;
• Skeletal alignment issues;
• Distortion of cancer test results;
• Sadness;
• Increased sick days, morbidity and the associated costs;
• Potentially lowering dopamine absorption or manufacturing;
• Fertility issues.

And on and on. It seems that obesity can and is being blamed for every physical and emotional health issue at large. So, that being displayed, wouldn’t you be more likely to skip a few meals, avoid fatty foods, become obsessive about maintaining an appropriate body mass index if you are continually being bombarded with news about being fat equalling being unhealthy and, well, dead?

Obesity, Childhood obesity, Cancer, Heart Disease, Diabetes, Sleep, Sadness, Depression, Teasing, Bullying, Sickness, Morbidity, Dopamine, Fertility, Media and obesity, Media and fear

My New Year’s Resolutions are for once, shaping up nicely and have not all been thrown in the toilet immediately. Yes, I realize that it’s only the fourth day of the year and so, I haven’t technically had much time to break up with them, yet; but you’d be amazed at my ability to back out of plans I’ve made for myself. It’s astounding, really.

Last year, I made 27 resolutions. I didn’t keep a single one of them. Nothing, seriously, even lasted past the first couple of days.

So here’s the deal: every day, I snack liberally. If I’m hungry, I eat. I generally share whatever my daughter is having, then eat a big dinner (fast!) and then, once toddler bedtime has come and I’m reading and updating blogs, I sit with whatever catches my fancy and I eat. Until I’m like, overfull but satisfied, psychologically. I don’t feel guilt because of how I eat during the rest of the day and especially because of this one little fact:

I’m not gaining weight like an anorexic who is binge eating croissants, chocolate, ice cream, chips and pasta should. I’m not really gaining weight at all, besides the usual period-related water-retention. Sure, I’ve got some inches on my waist - I am truly confident that those damn tortilla chips and the five-layer dip I ate them with caused a catastrophic sponging of water to make up for the massive salt influx - but the scale? Not so much as the five pounds I hear other women complain about, women who have normalized metabolisms and have not convinced their body that they may never eat again.

In fact, since writing the above paragraphs, I needed to put my toddler back to sleep - in the room where the scale lives. Keeping in mind that in the past two hours I have eaten half of a 230g bag of Reese’s Miniatures, you might be as shocked as me to know that my weight is currently 98 pounds. My waist and hips? 23.5 and 34 inches, repsectively. Meaning an overall loss of two pounds and an inch off of my hips, and a gain of half an inch on my waist.

It’s been five and a half weeks and I’ve made little physical progress. Really, I’ve back-slid. Yet, I find myself much more comfortable with my eating choices and just the fact that I can, am allowed, and should, eat. Until another day.

I’ve written about some European studies involving twins and different-aged siblings before. The linked one is in regards to the prevalence and duration of eating disorders wherein scientists were surprised by the results of a long-term study of Finnish twins. New research reported here shows a further genetic link.

Seems that during gestation, an overproduction of estrogen - that would be mom’s ‘fault’ - may lead to differing brain development than the fetus’ peers. This brain chemistry could be linked with the development of anorexia. Recently, results were published that I egotistically claimed credit for, showing that brain function differed in anorexics than those without disordered eating habits during a test-type game.

In these new findings, British researchers studied the results of Swedish twins. They found that twin girls were more likely to become anorexic than their male counterparts. Previous twin studies have shown a correlation between one twin having and eating disorder and the other succumbing as well, but this study shows a more specific nature vs nurture link.

Chemically, should one person have a physical disposition to eating disorders, their monozygotic twin should, too. Fraternal twins would have a lowered prevalence, but still would be more likely than siblings separated by years.

Environmentally, people have raved for more than a decade about the media’s role in eating disorders. How magazines, reality television and Hollywood have promoted eating disorders as chic, necessary and typical - these finding may provide less fodder for these anti-image zealots.

Yes, should one have a genetic predisposition to eating disorders, especially to anorexia, then there are triggers anywhere and everywhere. You truly cannot escape the triggers in modern society. However, should we stop this imaging for a segment of the population that is genetically afflicted? If so, should we not also ban cigarette, prescription medication and alcohol imaging? Those are addictive substances that one with, say, a genetic predisposition towards alcoholism might cave at the repeated sight of.

There were so many celebrities in 2007 who caught media attention for extreme weight loss and well, just being too damn skinny, that I thought a refresher might be in order. At some point, it seems that every female A-lister is assumed to have or have had an eating disorder - usually anorexia - but really, if these celebrities are so sick, how do they get better so quickly?

And since it’s seemingly so wide-spread, why not just ‘fess up, should an eating disorder be to blame for weight loss? It’s not like it’s bad PR.

Courtney Love dropped an estimated 50 pounds from her 5′9" frame within a seven month period, explaining it as owing to yoga and a macrobiotic diet. She’s got the heroin not-so-chic look, that’s for sure.

Angelina Jolie has been reported to have sunk to as low as 94 pounds. Her 5′7" frame would be a bit bonier at that weight, I think, but god, people allow for the following: her mother (one of her closest friends) died, she has 4 kids, one of the most high-profile relationships in Hollywood, movie filming and premieres, and to top it all off, work with the UN and various other charities. Let’s assume she doesn’t even have time to eat, never mind an inclination.

Nicky Hilton is not someone I’m really interested in, but her recent extreme thinness has sparked rumours that it’s in reaction to her sister, Paris’ stature.

Amy Winehouse is a trainwreck. She’s reportedly seeking help for her admitted bulimia, drug and alcohol problems and is quite upset about her husband’s jailtime. I wonder what a clean, healthy Amy would look like?

Ashley Simpson got some plastic surgery done over the past couple of years, giving her at least, a new nose and face shape. To go with this? Boyfriend Pete, some Sketchers, a bobblehead and emo-girl hair.

Kate Bosworth is one of the few celebrities that I actually believe to have a serious eating disorder. Her weight has fluctuated so widely over the past few years, to very extreme thinness from extremely well defined muscle tone. All in reaction, it seems, to various professional and relationship woes. Seems classic, to me.

Jenna Jameson is another celebrity I could care less for, not since my 15 year old boyfriend had photos of her stuck up on his bedroom walls, that is. She’s crossed over to model, and is going through a rather nasty divorce, apparently. The stress of litigation explains how she could drop 40 pounds from her formerly pornorific frame. Dropping those 40 pounds? Explains the modelling gig.

Tara Reid also is has big weight fluctuations. She’s been ample, round, thin, toned and now, scary. Botched surgeries, excessive partying, working where the room service sucks, yada yada. Seems like there’s always a good reason for Tara to be in the magazines.

The Olsen Twins have usually not both been included in eating disorder lists. MK has been treated professionally for her eating disorder, but let’s be honest - even after treatment, emerging ‘healthy’, she’s not put much weight on her bones. Now it seems as though Ashley is losing, too - leaving the world with two wavy, over-processed-haired tiny old women in baggy vintage evening wear.

Nicole Ritchie was so skinny, she made me shiver. Then she got knocked up and the inevitable weight gain happened. Not much, but enough to grow a fetus. Or she’s one of those lucky bitches that just gets a tummy and some boobs and then drops it shortly afterwards. Oh wait, I was one of those lucky bitches, too (but I also got tons of stretch marks to commemorate the event).

Here’s to a more normalized celebrity image in 2008. I won’t hold my breath, if you don’t!

On one of my other blogs, I created a page with twenty-eight resolutions for 2008. Really, I’m not that into the New Year’s holiday and celebration. I think of it as simply the passing of another day, month, year - why throw a party or promise yourself to quit smoking?

Coincidentally though, I’m assessing my life and happiness level and where I’d like to be (and the path I’d like to follow, to get there), and have come up with quite a few 180s I’d like to do.

So, why not sync it up with the rest of the (resolution- making) world?

Here’s my 28, for my 28th year:

Zoë

• potty training
• move to toddler bed
• gymnastics/tumbling classes of some sort
• limit tv time to an hour per day (except date nights)
• make a scrapbook of sorts (i hate every single baby book i’ve ever come across; i’d better just do it my damn self)
• limit fast food to once per month
• make blanket (for toddler bed) and curtains for her room

work, money & lifestyle

• renovate apartment (remove unwanted, restore, paint)
• establish a routine again, allowing at least one hour each, per day for: cleaning, blogging, bookkeeping, me time and Zoë time
• limit starbucks to once per week, as a reward for meeting goals
• blog posting frequency: fmtm? daily; edt 5X per week; tib daily; cut weekly
• stick to monthly budget
• use half of money after expenses to pay debts off; the other half to meet lifestyle goals
• make twice 2007’s blogging income
• look into freelance writing: resume, portfolio, research, specs, etc.
• do work as it’s assigned, because letting it pile up only leads to frustration and overwhelmtion
• complete one distance ed class towards degree
• bake weekly
• have a family dinner monthly
• learn to knit

health & mentalness & other crap, too

• aim for eight hours sleep nightly; wake early, not sleep later
• gain weight - to be a size 1, at least
• the serenity prayer in action: quit trying to change fh and his lifestyle/actions, work on acceptance
• go to the dentist
• read 100 books
• eat five servings of fruit and/or veggies a day
• grow hair to mid-back length
• start doing yoga weekly, at least (maybe bikram’s?)

What’s interesting is exactly how much I freaked out a little at the thoughts of gaining enough weight to be a size 1. Now, with the holiday binge-eating (still happening) having had an effect on all of the sickness weight loss I had, I’ve gained a few pounds - not sure how many. Enough to increase my waist by two inches over it’s smallest measurement of 22 and 5/8" in the past month.

I had to mentally bitch slap myself. I literally had an internal hissy fit at my own brain, for being so idiotic as to think of a size 1 as huge. I had to use similes like "a size one is to Teri Hatcher as special brownies are to munchies and round-framed, rose-coloured glasses." This year is going to be a tough one.

But I really think that I can do it.

What are you going to do in 2008?